I had an interesting conversation with my wife last night about security bubbles. Before my testicular cancer diagnoses, I felt like I was in my own security bubble floating around through life. Imagine being in a bubble and floating around until something pops it. For me, it was a testicular cancer diagnoses. Once my security bubble was popped, I had become more aware of life in general. Things I used to worry a lot about faded softly into a more manageable worry.
When my ultrasound came back it threw me into much uncertainty. While testicular cancer tends to be a more manageable cancer, it really depends on the type of cancer. While most malignancies tend to be seminoma or mixed germ cells, there is also a risk of sex cord stromal tumors which carry a poor prognosis in general and may be harder to treat. I of course took my matter to Google and searched away like most others would probably do.
Let’s just say that I spent hours doing this and concluded I was probably going to be dying soon. I had prepped myself mentally for the worst. I sat in hibernation waiting for the phone call from the doctor with my pathology report. When my doctor called my heart was pounding. When I heard seminoma come out of his mouth I felt such a relief. Not that I had cancer, but because I still had a chance at this life.
I’m not saying I haven’t had my fair share of problems before this diagnoses, but problems I had before were different to me which didn’t carry the risk of death. I have since found these other life problems more manageable in my day to day living.
The thought of dying so soon was scary and made me realize how much I had taken for granted in my life so far and how I had felt invincible to this world. As we age we might become more aware of our own mortality, but when we’re younger we seem to quickly forget about it. The only reminders we have are confined to the friends and family we lose along the way which quickly seem to disappear shortly after we bury them.
It is only when your security bubble pops do you realize how precious and temporary our lives are and how volatile life itself can be. One minute you could be enjoying your life going about your every day routine then BAM, your life can change in an instant. It’s up to you how your want to continue your own story. For me, I plan on making much more changes for the good. My experience has taught me how to value my life more, and have a closer relationship with God. The new foundation has been laid and I will continue to build on this new foundation and live this life to its fullest until my final chapter has come.
When that day arrives, I can only hope I have a feeling of completeness without anymore regrets. I want to make sure I instill what is right in my children and provide them with a living example of what is good and what is wrong. I want them to build a solid foundation when they become adults and make their own families and be the example of this foundation. I want my legacy to last generations and leave behind the good and be remembered for that.